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One of my biggest dreams will come true! [Tuesday, February 12, 2008 at 4:11PM]
[ music | Albireo : T.M.Revolution ]

I just can't believe that T.M.Revolution is really coming to NEW YORK! I'm DEFINITELY going to be there to see him perform at NY Comic Con! Nothing's going to stop me that day! I want to give something to Takanori as a gift to express the way he's made me feel for the past few years. One of my biggest inspirations and he always will be. To see him live is going to be one of the best days of my life and I'll never forget it!
I want to give Takanori a drawing (that's if I ever get to reach him). I want to draw a collage of him. I think it'll be awsome! Something I'd really like would be an autograph but that's only if I get to see him! I really hope I do! But I really don't have to... Just being in his presence would be fantastic. I've always wanted to see him once in my life live and this is it! I'm determined to make the best of it! I want to wear something that has to do with him too... Maybe I'll make a I <3 TMR shirt since it's kinda like the I <3 NY shirts. I'll see. It would be appropriate though. I can't wait to meet all of the other T.M.Revolution fans too! I want to take as many pictures as I can get!
: D


You wanna play? | You wanna game? 4

It's been a while... [Wednesday, September 5, 2007 at 5:01PM]
[ mood | Lonely... ]
[ music | Utada Hkaru - Flavor of Life ]

    Well, summer's over. School's just begun. I'm very nervous about 11th grade since it counts for so much... But, I'm happy at the same time. I have lots of art classes and fun teachers. My friends are there. I'm happy with how the year is going to go but I'm scared. I have a lot of work and I'm trying my best to fulfill my goal. It's a sappy goal, I know. My goal for the future is to live with Chris and lead a steady career. We both have the same goal and plan on working towards it. Our education comes first, then us. We decided that together. I'm glad he really wants to be with me. I don't know where I'd be without him. He's my life. He completes me. I hope that our goal works out. Of course it'll be hard and it's a lonely path since he's not there all of the time but I'm willing to work it out. I'm going to try my best this school year.
    My first day of school wasn't as bad as I thought. I woke up just fine. My morning was great. I'm going to be waking myself up now... Plus, I have to do chores in the morning. I walked the dog and ate something. I met up with Brianna and Sthuthi on the bus. It felt like I had just seen them recently. When I got to school, I couldn't help but feel as if something was missing. I knew what it was. Chris. I always saw him in the morning. This time, he wasn't there to kiss me good morning and make my day better. He wasn't there to give me a hug to make me feel secure. I felt empty. But, I did see Myra outside of the room. It was a little relieving.
    First period was fun. Mr. Norton made my morning better. He was so funny. I love that guy. I know I'll have so much fun in English. We did get a homework assignment but I think I can write it. It's fairly easy when you think about it.
    Second period. Study Hall. WTF? Boring as hell. BUT! Something good happened there. I saw my friend Meghan and I talked with her and Samantha. Elson was there too.
    Third period was with Mr. Lieberman in AP US History. Seems like a boring class but Mr. Lieberman is someone I think will turn out to be more fun. I trust my brother's words when he says he's a fun guy.
    Fourth period I had lunch. WTF? AGAIN? But, I got that sorted out. I talked with Nikki and Joe F. Talked about classes and what not.
    Fifth I had art with Ms. Matthews. Great. I'm able to draw with her! PLUS, she fixed my schedule! I have Painting 1 second period and Cartooning 1 at 4th period A days now! Yay! Thank you Ms. Matthews! I can't wait until Art Association!
    Sixth was Math with Mr. Sullivan. OH GOSH. Me Sthuthi and Kendra and a couple other juniors felt awkward. We were in a class full of sophomores! It was scary!
    Seventh and eighth I had Mrs. Ash. Well, she's nice. But, I have too much work! Noooo! The one thing I don't want... Ah well. Time to go work on some of it soon!

The bus ride home was hard... The bus driver there was the bus driver for the six o'clock bus. The one me and Chris saw a lot. He was so nice to us... Just when I thought I could make it through, I kept on thinking of Chris. I remember the times we spent going on that bus. It was sad to see him. I'm grateful that he's my driver because he knows me but... it's sad. Too many memories of last year flooded my mind. I miss Chris. He would see me off to my bus and we would stay after school just to hang out. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I don't know how I'm going to make it through 11th grade without him. It's sad to see. I keep on having flashbacks of him. He would wait for me before sixth period outside of Ms. Jacob's room and kiss me hello. I wish I could go back to those days. I saw Chris everyday. He's a necessity to my life. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's grown on me. He can't part from me. I need him. I love him too much.

But, that was my first day at school.


You wanna play?

[Monday, April 16, 2007 at 8:34PM]
[ mood | jealous ]
[ music | David Bowie : Blue Jean ]

I know I shouldn't  worry. Chris came over today. We talked, had fun, laughed, and we tickled each other. Then, we talked with my brother for a bit... some Soul Calibur III and stuff. Then, my mom's friend Billy West (the voice actor) was over and we talked with him for a bit. He did some Futurama and Honey Nut Cheerios Bee for us. Then, his friend called... who happens to play Kif, Tuncan Sam, and the Brain. He was on the phone and did some Brain stuff for us. He was fantastic. It's Billy's birthday today so that was sweet of him to call. I drew Billy a picture of Fry too.
: D
He loved it.
Me and Chris hung out for a bit... 6 o'clock came by quicker than we had expected. We stalled... a lot. Right when he was about to leave (I was outside with him), he ran to me and kissed me. Then, he left. He came back several minutes later because he forgot his phone. When Seb gave him the phone, he pushed me on top of him and closed the door and locked it. Suddenly Chris kissed me and I heard Seb chuckling on the other side of the door. WTF?! xD
When Chris finally left everything went well. I left him a message and he called me when he got back.
He told me that he got a ride since I realized he got home so soon. From who? Julia. I know, I know. I trust him not to like her... I just get... jealous. I knew he used to like Julia for a long time and I don't know now... Actually, they haven't talked in a while. So... I shouldn't be worried. But, I can't help but be curious about what they talked about. I'll ask tonight. I'll tell him why I'm asking. I'm a jealous type. But, I'm not a psycho. I don't show it. If I needed someone to know how I feel, I'd tell him.
But, I'm glad Chris is coming by again next week. Well... more like every Monday.
: )


You wanna play?

Valentines Day is Ruined [Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 12:02AM]
[ music | Judy Kuhn : Colors of the Wind ]

Yeah, really. It is. It's snowing here in New York. School's been canceled. That was my only way to see Chris on V-Day. He was going to come over my house tomorrow after school... Now, that's all dead. I wanted to spend my V-Day with the man I love. Instead, snow came falling on my happiness. We were going to hang out, maybe watch a movie. I had brownies, chocolate, and a picture made for him. I have some brownies for my friends too.
This Valentines Day, I was hoping to celebrate with the man I love. This was going to be my first time celebrating it with someone... for it's true purpose. I texted Chris that school is canceled and he wrote back, "SON OF A BITCH." I don't think he's happy either.
Why? I just wanted to celebrate it for the first time... Things just aren't going our way. Our plans have only worked out 3 out of how many times? At least we see each other in school... but, I miss spending time with him, alone.
You know... We spent some time together today. He was kissing my neck and stuff. Very nice. BUT, I didn't notice this until a little while ago. I have several little marks on my neck... hickeys. OMG. Never got them before but you can tell that they're there. I just have to wear my hair down and then no one will see it. He he! I'm glad Chris was the first to do that. I hope he's the last.


You wanna play?

I haven't written in here for almost a month! [Sunday, January 28, 2007 at 6:48PM]
Well... not much has happened, I guess. Mid-terms, school work, drama, art association, blah, blah, blah. It's the usual. The only thing that's changed is my love for Chris. That's gone up a lot and it increases everyday. He was supposed to come over on Friday but his parents wouldn't let him. So, I'm bored out of my mind and I miss him terribly. I wish it were Monday already!
D:
That's all.

You wanna play?

You weren't here today... [Tuesday, December 12, 2006 at 6:11PM]
[ music | Olivia : Wish ]

I haven't seen you for 4 days. You're infecting my mind... We've told about your situation to guidance. Don't be surprised when they call you down. You may hate us, but we love you. We only wish for your safety. I don't want to see you so sad. I'd rather feel your anger on me. It's better than having you suffer. You and your siblings are allowed to stay with us. No problem.
I love you, Chris... more than you'll ever know. I won't allow you to stay as the Prince of Darkness.


You wanna play?

He told me not to worry... [Monday, December 11, 2006 at 6:31PM]
Chris came to school late today. I was shocked because I had called him Saturday and Sunday and he didn't answer. I called him on Saturday to check if he was okay. On Friday, the day of the Variety Show, his dad had yelled at him in public and cursed at him and told him to "get into the fucking car." When I found that he hadn't answered my calls, I worried deeply. I didn't see him today but everyone else did. Was he avoiding me? I don't know... But, I heard he looked pretty bad. He wore a scarf and apparently had a bruised eye. Knowing Chris, he hates his father. Sid had told me that his father abuses him sometimes... When Sid told me, I wanted to cry. I worried so much. Chris wouldn't tell me that, I guess. I called him after school for a brief second.
"..."
"Chris? Hello?"
"Hi."
"Hey, you went home, right?"
"Yeah."
"Chris, I heard you were in school today. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, sort of... in a way."
"Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yeah... I sorta gotta go."
"Alright... Can I call you later?"
"Yeah, you can try."
"Alright... I love you, Chris."
"Yeah..."
"Bye..."
"Bye..."

He was all one word answers. I'm assuming he was home at the time. He sounded so weak and sad... I wanted to cry. When I was told by Brianna and Myra that he was at school in the condition he was in... I just wanted to find him and hug him. I didn't know what to do. I was about to cry but I couldn't. I didn't want to make everyone else know. So, I kept to myself. I gripped my shirt and jeans tightly. I just wanted to bash someone's head in the desk. I was extremely angry. I only assumed that Chris' dad had done something to him... It's not my place to do anything though. I love Chris, very much. When he didn't tell me "I love you" back, I got worried. That's why I can only assume he's at home. I can't help but think it was my fault... I was so persistent... He told us not to wait for him and that it was wasting time. I kept on saying no... We have nothing better to do. We had a feeling he wouldn't be able to make it, we knew. We wanted to be there to support him... That's all... I really hope that it wasn't something we did. But, I want his burdens to become my burdens. I don't want him to feel like he's carrying the world. I want to be there for him always. He said he was afraid he wouldn't be there for me and that he'd let me down. But... I know that he might not always be there. It's alright. I can handle myself. It's you I'm worried about, Chris. I love you. You and only you. I'm all yours. I'm willing to sacrifice anything for you. You may not want me to worry... but it's too late. I've kept my side of the promise. I took care of my problems. But, I want to help you solve yours. You're always so generous... you're the sweetest guy I know. Your voice makes me melt every time I hear you... I don't want to let you down. I want to be there for you, Chris. I love you with all my heart and much, much, much more.

You wanna play?

The best/worst day ever. [Monday, December 4, 2006 at 6:22PM]
[ music | Queen : Killer Queen ]

Let's start with the good: I hung out with Chris for two hours. We walked around, talked, and hung out with Sydney. They practiced a sword fight for a little bit but Chris didn't want to do it so they stopped. It was incredibly funny though, After Syd left, me and Chris hung out and talked. He was worried about the bad thing that had happened and he looked so worried. I couldn't stand it. I kept on reassuring him that it wasn't his fault, it's my problem, I'll deal with it. Then, we held hands and he looked into my eyes. He kept on saying how beautiful I was and he kissed me several times. We kissed a lot actually... Yeah... ANYWAYS, he said, "You make me feel like I'm somebody." I responded, "But, you are." He made a chuckle/giggle noise and smiled. He also has a sexy voice so... DAMN. I was extremely happy. We bumped heads and looked in each others eyes and kissed some more. This went on for a good 30-45 min. I was in heaven. I wish I were still with him right now. I love him so much. I just don't know what to do when he says sweet things that make me melt every time. His voice, his face.... I love everything about him. I can't stop thinking of him. He hasn't been out of my mind for a long time and I don't think he'll leave my mind any time soon. When we parted ways, I had a sinking feeling in my heart. I didn't want to leave him... I didn't want to at all. I hate going home. All I want to do is be by Chris' side. Now, onto the bad part...

The bad: Before Syd left me and Chris alone, I get a text message. My mom told me that she's upset with me and that she's taking away my phone. I'm not allowed to use the home phone either. But, luckily, it's only for a week, that is if I keep my act together. I can't call Chris... I want to hear his voice... I know I see him during school but, that's not enough. I told this to Chris and he felt as if it were his fault. Never, it'd never be his fault. It's my burden that I have to deal with. My mom sure knows how to make me and Chris unhappy. I told this to Syd and he said, "You HAVE to find a way to call Chris." I really wish I could, I really wish I could. I don't know how I can go for a week without calling. Chris was also upset at this. He told me one thing, "Promise me this, when I see you first thing in the morning tomorrow, I want to kiss you." I'd let him kiss me any day, any time, any place.

I just feel terrible. Chris says so many nice things to me that make me laugh and smile... But he leaves me speechless and I just don't know what to do or say... I told this to him but he said that I don't have to say anything and that my smile was enough.  When he held my hand and hugged me he told me, "I want to marry you right now." Oh man. I was screaming like a little girl in my mind. He makes me feel so special and loved. He told me how he couldn't believe that I didn't have a boyfriend before. He had always asked himself why I chose him. He said that I had so many opportunities and what was he? He said he had a family full of psychos and he was nothing special. I love Chris for his personality, sense of humor, and looks. He's everything I've always wanted. I don't need some rich, smart guy in my life. I want someone who I know will like me for who I am and they make me feel special. I want a guy who can show me what true love is. That guy, to me, is Chris Singh, the love of my life.


You wanna play?

I miss him so much... [Friday, December 1, 2006 at 6:01PM]
[ music | BUCK-TICK : Dress ]

It's not even 6:00PM and I'm missing Chris a whole lot. I just feel like crying right now... I want to be held by him, I want to kiss him... I want to tell him how much I love him. I can't bear the pain in my heart from being away from him. It's tearing me apart. I tried to take him off my mind for a little... but I don't think that's going to happen. We have a four hour phone conversation last night... I loved it. We got on a depressing topic of his past but that's alright. His burden is my burden. I just can't stand to hear or see him suffer. But then... things got weird. We got on the topic of sex. Well, had to happen at some point. Anyways, he had mentioned a random thought came to his head. I made him fess up! He said I sound so cute when I'm curious. Ha ha! But he kept on thinking that I'd hate him if he told me. So, I reassured him that I wouldn't. Couldn't be that bad. He said... he wants to marry me when we're older. Ha ha! So adorable... After being on the topic, he had another thought. This took him a hell of a long while to confess. He had asked me, "You know how there's a difference between sexual desires and making love, right? Some people just don't see the difference..." Of course I know the difference. So, about possibly ten minutes, he told me... He wants to make love to me. Oh. My. Gosh. I'm never telling Brianna and Myra because they'd look at him weird... But, I'm extremely flattered. When we're older, I wouldn't mind. Then, I had asked him if he ever had perverted thoughts. He said that he had when he was younger. Same here... Yeah... But anyways, we finally got to virginity. We had confessed to each other that we'd lose it to each other. Ha ha ha! It was very... odd but he's the one I want to lose mine to. Yeah... just typing it is awkward... Yeah... But, that's for later. He also told me that he had this crush on me and he thought I was drop dead sexy. Oh. Man. I was blushing and what not. Gosh. Then, we talked about our past crushes and what not. He liked a lot of teachers! Ha ha ha! Aw. Adorable though. Then, we finally decided to hang up. I called him at 10PM... we ended it at 2AM. I was so tired this morning. Holy crap. I got 4 hours of sleep! In the morning, I called Chris about... 6:35AM just to wake him up. He had told me that if I hadn't called him, he would've been late. I did come in handy! He also wants to talk to me about his past... in person. It was a really depressing subject for him. He's afraid that the past will make me break up with him. But, he still wants to tell me the truth. He said over and over that he doesn't want to lose me. He sounded like he was in so much pain... I wanted to be there and just... hold him, kiss him, never let him go. I want to be there for him always. I love Chris with all of my heart and much much much more. Words can't express my deep love for him. He's shown me love in a way that I never felt before. But, I'm glad.
He wrote me a letter and drew L from Death Note on it for me. It was a thanks for me being his girlfriend and giving him his first kiss. Aww... I couldn't just accept it like that. I drew him one back with Vergil and Dante from Devil May Cry. I wrote this whole thing about him on the paper and how sweet he is and stuff. He said that he read it privately and that I almost made him cry. He likes the letter that much. I carry the ones he drew me everywhere. I read them when I'm feeling down... But, I always get a craving for more than just words from him. I want him with me. It's this whole thought I have... Yeah...
I also got a part in the school musical this year. We're doing the play "Dream Girls." So, I got a part in the Sweethearts and I'm a reporter. So, at least I got a singing part! But, I'm in the same group as Amanda. At least I'm with someone I know! This is great. Chris also got a part as a lawyer and a reporter. There were lots of people who got the part as a reporter. Hell, me and Amanda have the same parts! Ah well. It's good to know I'm working with a friend.
But... my heart still hurts. I want to hear him... and see him... I can't help myself. Chris is the one that makes me feel greedy for him and only him. Wow... He he!


You wanna play?

We're finally together. [Saturday, November 25, 2006 at 4:12PM]
[ music | Abingdon Boys School : Dress ]

Chris and I are finally going out.  We talked on the phone with each other for 6 and a half hours. It was the happiest moment of my life. We talked about what we did in the past few days for the first couple of hours. Then... it got mushy!
xD
We got quiet at some points and yearned for each others presence. We told each other how much we wanted to be with each other and how much we miss each other. No words can amount to the feelings we share. He would tell me his "gay moments" that he visioned with him and Brian to make me laugh. Oh man. I don't know why I laugh when he tells me those things... But, he loves to hear me laugh. He had also told me the true reason for why he holds the doors open for the people at school. That's something I won't talk about here. It's a secret me and him have together. He'll reveal it at the end of the year. But, I asked him if he'll still continue to hold the doors open. He said he will. I told him that I won't stop him if he really wants to hold the doors open. It's not a bad reason why he does what he does. As I said that, he told me that my voice is like a lullaby... He loves to hear my voice. I love to hear him speak as well... That way, I know he's always there... although I know he always will be. We talked about our past crushes and how they mean nothing to us... we have each other now. He's never been able to talk to anyone like he has to me. He kept on telling me, "I want to see you so much."
"I miss you so much."
"I just wish you were here with me."
"I just want to hold you in my arms and never let go."
"If I'm silent, I'm thinking only about you."
At one point, he said that he wants to hold me and never let go and kiss me. He couldn't believe what he had just said. Then, I told him that I wouldn't mind being kissed by him at all. He had then said that he was smiling and making a silly face. Ha ha! Then, there were the silent parts of the conversation. He would say, "Wow... You're quiet." and all I could say was, "I'm quiet because I'm thinking of you... Gosh, you always say things that leave me speechless." Chris had then said, "I love it when I leave you that way." Oh. My. Gosh. He sounds so... wow. On the phone he's a completely different person. But, I love him for that. He said that he felt that he could tell me almost anything. Then, we got into the conversation on the pictures we drew each other. He told me that he always carries around the picture that I drew. I also carry mine around too. He got into how a teacher had called him the 'Prince of Darkness' and he had liked that name. He thought that he would graduate high school as the 'Prince of Darkness'. He said that he would be in pain from the loneliness. I told him, "I wouldn't let you suffer." He then said, "...wow. I REALLY REALLY like you, You're the first to care about how I feel." I responded, "Of course I do. I care about you a lot." I don't know if I should use the word "love". Would he be freaked out and think that we're moving too fast? I don't know. But, I really do think I love him. I'm in love with Chris Singh. No guy has ever made me feel so wanted and loved... He makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Chris had said that he had envied Katie and Brian for the relationship they have. He wanted to be in a relationship like them... Now, he doesn't have to wish. He's in one. He told me that he was flattered that I had called him 'Sexy Hair Boy" last year in school. Then, he had said, "I should make a nickname for you... how about gorgeous or beautiful?" Oh. My. Gosh. I had told him that being told that you're "beautiful" and "gorgeous" is more meaningful than being called "sexy" or "hot". It just sounds more meaningful. Then I said that I knew that what he said was meaningful. His voice sounds so reassuring. When it neared 5:30AM, I knew that he was getting really tired. It got quiet on the phone. Then, I heard him sleeping. Ha ha! So adorable. Too bad I wasn't there to see him sleeping. I miss him more and more when I think of him. I really want to see you, Chris. I love you.
<3


You wanna play?

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